Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
A gentle reflection on the messy reality of healing and the grace it takes to keep going.
Healing isn’t a straight line, and it definitely does not happen perfectly. You can feel like you’re just inching along slowly, and then something triggers you, or maybe a memory pops up, and it can feel like your forward momentum unravels. It can be defeating. Even overwhelming.
I honestly used to think healing happened on a tidy little timeline. Can you believe it? How lovely if it were true. Imagine that you could factor in your age, the length of a relationship or struggle, and out pops a neat little expectation that says: “Your healing journey will take 3 months and 2 days based on the information you entered. Have a nice day!”
Sadly, it definitely does not work like that. It’s more like a 2-year-old with a rogue crayon, making a mess on a freshly painted white wall!
I often feel like I should have life sorted out by now, that pain from past hurts should magically be gone, or at least I would have moved past them by now. If they were handing out grades in self-compassion, I would not get an A.
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Why Healing Isn’t a Straight Line
Healing is messy. It is not straightforward. There is no real timeline. And it is freeing and less anxiety-inducing for me to embrace that reality.
Some mornings I wake up lighter, full of hope. Other mornings, I can’t stop obsessing over something as small as a childhood memory, or a snapshot that filtered into my dream, or even a fleeting thought triggered by a scent or song.
The highs and lows do not follow a straight line. They often zigzag and turn life completely upside down. Sometimes it feels like you’re going backwards way more often than you’re moving forward.
Learning to Give Myself Grace
I am learning to give myself grace. To celebrate small victories, like choosing peace over bitterness, or getting out of bed on a hard day, or taking a shower when all I want to do is disappear back under my warm, fluffy comforter and hit the snooze button a dozen times. I’m even practicing the art of showing up when I feel invisible to the world around me.
What Healing Really Looks Like
Healing does not care about my schedule or expectations. It moves at its own pace.
Some days feel like giant leaps backward, and others feel like tiny steps forward. And that is okay. In fact, years of therapy have taught me that it’s normal.
Every tear, every stumble, every tiny step forward is part of the journey. Messy as it is, it’s real. It is growth. It’s life moving forward, even when it feels slow or confusing.
I’m learning to take things one day at a time, sometimes just one minute or one moment at a time. Sometimes I even have to remind myself to breathe. But I’m offering myself grace, even on the hard days. I’m also learning what it looks like to give more grace to others in their messy moments, while still protecting my peace.
I sure don’t have this all figured out. But I am leaning on The One who does. Even on the days when my mind tricks me into thinking I’m going through this alone, somehow He reminds me that He’s got my back. That gives me comfort, especially on the hardest days!
You’re Not Behind
If you are healing, too, know that you are not behind. You are not failing. There is no right or wrong way to heal. You are doing exactly what you need to do at exactly the right time. Take it slowly, one moment, one feeling, one day at a time.
Keep moving. Keep growing. Keep taking tiny steps forward. Because even the smallest step forward is still a step forward, and that matters more than you think. YOU matter more than you think. You got this. I believe in you!
Take gentle care of yourself today. ツ