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You can do the hard thing.
This year I honestly have just been keeping my head above water. Most days I feel like I’m stuck on the struggle bus to nowhere.
But today I kept doing the hard exhausting thing and didn’t give up. I wanted to. I wanted to cry. The amount of leaves in my yard overwhelms the crap out of me! But today I decided to take just a small portion of the yard and tackle it. Three hours later, here’s my picture!
While I was raking, I saw a bird stuck in a hole on the edge of my yard. He was struggling to get out and I really wanted to help. But he was so frantic that it wouldn’t have been safe.
Sometimes helping only make things worse. I didn’t want to add to his struggle and that broke my heart.
I called my BIL and he reminded me that birds don’t just fall into holes, something underneath is usually pulling them down. So I cheered that little dude on for 15-20 minutes. My neighbors prolly thought I was nuts talking to the lawn. But eventually, he just gave up. He was gone, just like that.
Complex PTSD feels like that sometimes. So does anxiety. I cried a bit knowing he gave up, even though he sure put up a good fight. But it reminded me that I have had plenty of opportunities over the past year and a half to give up too.
I have wrestled with dark thoughts, heavy trauma and pain I can barely put into words. But I’m still here. And I am thankful!
As it started getting dark after the bird drama, I picked up my rake and finished what I started. The whole time I kept reminding myself I am stronger than I think, braver than I feel and I am going to be ok.
I’m a survivor. It’s not a label I want. But it’s been mine since childhood. I accept that it’s a part of me. But it doesn’t define who I am.
Your struggles don’t define you either. You’ve been through hard things. I know you have. Because everyone hits bumps in the road. But today reminded me that sometimes all we can do is take it one day, one hour… sometimes one moment at a time.
Really, that’s all any of us can do. That and be intentional to look for the joy. Because it’s there. Even on days that we have to search hard to find it.
I didn’t give up on the leaves today. And for me, that was a victory.
If you didn’t give up on something today, make sure to celebrate your victory too. It counts. It matters. It’s enough.
Survivors don’t always roar.
Sometimes we rake leaves and choose not to quit.
I came inside, stretched and drank a nice cold Diet Coke! And now I am sore and feeling a little old! 🤣
Take gentle care of yourself today. ツ